I Heart Monk...So I Made Avvys!

(Clicky on my results to take the Monkish quiz!)

Capt. Stottlemeyer: [holding the police sketch of the suspect] You've never seen this guy before? In the store, hanging around the parking lot?

Young Cashier: I don't think so, but I see a lot of faces.

Capt. Stottlemeyer: Sure.

Lt. Randy Disher: It looks like Kiefer Sutherland.

Capt. Stottlemeyer: [pausing] Yeah, I guess it does.

Lt. Randy Disher: It wasn't Kiefer Sutherland, was it?

Young Cashier: No, sir.

Capt. Stottlemeyer: Here's a receipt. This is from your cash register. This is him, right?

Young Cashier: Mm-hmm.

Capt. Stottlemeyer: Eight items at 89 cents.

Young Cashier: Yes, sir. Eight candy bars.

Capt. Stottlemeyer: Eight candy bars?

Lt. Randy Disher: It really looks like Kiefer Sutherland. You know, maybe we should - before we distribute it - write across the bottom "not Kiefer Sutherland," just so that we don't disturb Mr. Sutherland.

Capt. Stottlemeyer: [sarcastically] That's a really good idea.

Lt. Randy Disher: You think so?

Capt. Stottlemeyer: No.







Enjoy! =)
Jo xx

(Feel free to snag any of the avatars, but please remember to credit 'snoopy45' and absolutely NO hotlinking!!)

You Doctor, Me Patient!

So the other week I got a call from my GP's surgery telling me that the doc wanted me to make an appointment to discuss some test results that I'd gotten recently; so this morning I dragged myself into Belfast in early morning diverted, and ergo extra-congested, rush hour traffic only to be kept waiting for a further 20mins when I got there.

Now this is nothing new for my GP's surgery. Infact, they're well known for their bad time keeping...amongst other things. Why I still go there after all these years is a mystery to me. I dont live anywhere near the surgery, and the service you recieve from these so called doctors is ridiculous. If they even managed to remember your name half the time (bearing in mind it's written on a computer screen right in front of them) it'd be pushing it for them.

So anyways, eventually I was buzzed to go in. As I sat down beside her desk, she looked at me and said "So what can I do for you today?"

I just gazed blankly at her. "You called me in."

"Oh...what was it for?"

"Umm...I think it was something to do with test results?"

"Oh, right. Can you remember what they were for?"

I stared at her for just a moment wondering if I listened closely enough maybe I could hear the circus music playing out her ears. I held a deep sigh for a second and explained what what was going on. I considered adding in that we were on planet Earth and that she was actually a doctor, but that would be just hearsay.

Two minutes into her oh so pretentiously fabricated compassionate speech explaining my results (which by the way didn't give any clue as to why I had been feeling ill), the phone rang. It must have been either a patient or a personal call, I was trying not to listen in, but she decided to take it and asked me to wait outside. Ok, maybe it was important. Or maybe she was just continuing to not have a clue what was going on around her and didn't realise she was in the middle of surgery. Either way, I sat outside for another 15 to 20mins. I even considered that maybe she meant for me to wait out in reception and they had been calling me there. I checked with them. Nope, they seemed to think she meant outside the room.

When enough other doctors had wondered what I was doing sitting there, she poked her head out and beckoned me in. "Now what was the other problem you were having?" She asked a bit flustered.

"Well, I hadn't actually mentioned another problem, but as you bring it up...."

The phone rang again. She quickly breathed out an 'excuse me', flipped her head away and answered the call. Sigh. I noticed that the door was a lovely shade of teal as I once again tried not to listen in to her conversation. Thankfully this one only lasted about 5 minutes and I even got to stay in the room and feel awkward the whole time.

When she hung up she explained that it was a patient requesting a house call then muttered something about the receptionists not knowing what they were doing.

She smiled. "Is that us then?"

"Um, no, I was about to ask you about hayfever medication." I explained about how bad it'd been over the last couple of weeks.

"Oh right, well what have you been taking?"

She took notes as I listed off all the brands I'd tried over the years. I asked about the steriod injection.

"Oh no no no, I dont like to prescribe that. Too many side effects."

"Yeh, I figured, but just thought I'd ask about it. Is there anything else then, cause it's driving me nuts and I cant be spending every other day dyin' in bed with it?"

I started to tell her how bad it was when I was in school and how it's affecting my work now. "...see if there's a wedding and I'm having to take photo's outside, like in a park or something, and my eyes are streaming and my nose is runny...."

"Do you wear sunglasses?"

"Well yes, if I'm outside and not at work, but I cant if I'm using a camera. I need to be able to see clearly."

"My advice is just to wear sunglasses."

"Yes, but I cant see through the camera if I have sunglasses on."

She sat back into her chair biting on a pen top. A moment of intense thinking later she came up with: "Well to be honest I think the best thing you can do is just stay indoors."

Well, yes. 'Thank you for those profound words of wisdom', I thought. I was ready to stand up and applaud, but I just smiled sweetly at her secretly hoping she'd see the look of sheer contempt behind my eyes. "See..." I took a deep breath, still smiling. "...but I cant do that." There was of course the 'everyday life' aspect of things, but I didnt want to confuse her even more, so I launched into a big speech explaining how weddings, landscapes, sports, and even portraits...are mostlly gonna involve being outside.

"Mmmm..." she said still nibbling on her pen, "...sunglasses are probably your best bet."

Will & Grace

So, yeh, I was watching a couple of epi's of Will & Grace t'other day...season 7...and now everytime I see a pair of gloves it takes me straight into the middle of this scene...I just cant get the clip outta my head; Jack and Grace have just found Vince (Wills cop boyfriend) in an Organic Grocery being preened by a man other than Will. They automatically think he's cheating on Will so they confront him about it, but it turns out he is now working there and it was his boss they saw fixing his hair.


GRACE: Vince, what's going on?

VINCE: I got fired. I'm not on the force anymore. Remember last week, a guy robbed a department store and the cop accidentally shot the cashier?

JACK: That was you?

VINCE: No, that was my partner. I was busy tryin' on gloves.

[GRACE SIGHS.]

VINCE: Since it was my 63rd citation, and my seventh one involving...you know, gloves...they fired me.

JACK: [TSK TSK] Oh dear, you poor thing. What color were they?

VINCE: Taupe with a chocolate cashmere lining.

GRACE: Ooh, they woulda gone with everything. Well...Will doesn't know?

VINCE: No, I can't...I'm too embarrassed. Look at me. I went from a...from a real gun to a...to a price gun. You know, yesterday I busted some guy shoplifting. All I could two mark him two for a dollar and send him on his way.

GRACE: Why, you woulda shot him?

VINCE: I woulda had the option.

(Full transcript here)


*giggles* ...gloves! =D

Oops I Did It Again!

Yeh, yeh, yeh...I know, I know. First I tell you how sorry I am that I disappeared from interweb existance and that it will never happen again...then straight away I vanish again without a trace. *slaps wrist* Bad Joanne, Bad!

*sigh* Millions of connection problems, 27 dvd's of backed up work, one (almost) major computer catastrophy and a newly re-formatted hard drive later, and here I am. Back once again for your blog reading pleasure. Or whatever.

So the Playoffs then. Yeh, well, it feels a bit pointless doing a whole big write-up (a la last year - post 1, post 2, post 3, post 4, post 5, post 6) on something that now feels so long ago, so I'll keep it short...er...ish.

It was about a month ago, I guess, but the off-season always seems to get longer and longer every year. Thank Crunchie for NASN! *stops self from going into an uncontrolled rant of joy that her beloved Oilers have just reached the Western Conference finals for the first time in 14 years* .... *dances* .... *ahem* .... yeh, anyhoo...

So...Nottingham. We went, we saw, we partied our respective asses off. Unfortunately, our team forgot how to play hockey and went out in the semis.



But seeing as we're from Belfast, we managed to find 101 other things to cheer for...here's just a few (hover mouse over photos for captions):

1. The Ref.



Ok, not the ref from our game. The ref from the final - Moray Hanson. Queue us all raising our right hand (clicky for vid) every time he did (clicky for vid) and of course the infamous 'Hands up for Hanson' chant (clicky for vid). Yeh, he loves us. And despite a shaky start when the other teams fans haddn't a clue wot we were doin', by the end of the game half the arena was joining in.

2. The Steelers

Yes, us. Belfast Giants fans supporting the Steelers. (clicky for vid) Who'da thought, eh? Well, it was like this - out of all the other teams who were there, their fans were the most fun this year. They were right beside us in the arena so it was great craic when they suddenly started chanting 'Giants' as we were chanting 'Steelers'. A sight to behold that will probably never ever ever happen again. But I'm glad it did.

3. The Rat



...on the door stewards head. It's kinda hard to make out in the pic, but holy crap that was a bad toupee!

4. Wally

Graeme 'John-boy / Wally' Walton plodding down the arena steps behind me pointing at my ass and telling his mom to look...which worried me slightly until I remembered I was wearing his gamer jersey tied round my waist. *phew* He looked chuffed to bits I was wearing it tho...which was nice. =)

5. Grafitti I tells ya!



Finding a lovely crayon drawing by Panthers player Paul Moran in the middle of Market Square. Awww bless!

6. Making fun of the Panthers cars...again!



7. Lu's Burger

Yes, we can cheer for food too. One of the best Hard Rock Cafes (for food and service) I've been in, is the one in Nottingham. We go there every year cause England has some funny licencing laws that require you to be over the age of 18 to even order food in a bar, and poor miss Shiny Sarah has spent the last few years being turned away at the door for being too ickle. The HRC, being primarily a restaurant, doesn't have this constraint.

So, if you remember last years playoff post, you'll no doubt be able to recall how strange Lu is. Well this years Lu-ism, is "Don't eat your food - Play with it!" (clicky for vid)



8. The Barenaked Ladies

I just like them, so I cheer. Altogether now... *sings* If I had a million dollars.... (clicky for vid)



9. Barstucks

Breakfast coffee.



Lu wasnt there the morning we arrived, but out of respect we steered clear of any velvet seating arrangements.

10. Balloons.



We wondered if this was how BMIbaby were planning on getting us home.

11. Half Built Hotel.

We stayed in the Jurys Inn hotel this year, which by the way was fantastic. No problems with checkin (unlike the hotel last year), no problems with the rooms being ready (unlike the hotel last year), and massive rooms (unlike the hotel last year). The Jurys is Nottinghams newest big hotel, and as such isnt quite finished...the second half is still completely under construction. So aparently my aunt & uncle's room didnt quite have a window yet, and the running gag was that you didnt use the hotel lift to get to it, you just hopped on one of the cranes outside.



...Well...it was funny while everyone was drunk!

12. Lobby Antics

For some reason our taxi to take us to the airport was a little (an hour) late. The reason being becase the hotel receptionist was a little dense (and possibly hung over) that morning, and repeatedly asked us when we'd like that taxi ordered. Every time we said "Umm, now please" she would wait 10mins then ask us again! The time sitting in the lobby was not waisted however...Bill put it to good use by blattering poor Fish repeatedly over the head with a magazine.



13. Flying Buses



...well, it was an Airbus in mid air. I'm easily amused.

14. Eye Eye Bill



Billinda never letting me get more than the top half of his face in a photo. Damn him!

15. My Swede

My little pet Swede 'Raxy' who as well as wearing his fetching new collar with pride all weekend, manage to freak Lu out completely by proposing marriage to her outside the Bunkers Inn. She's only met him twice!



16. The Toilet Singer

Ok, so I thankfully didnt see this one first hand, but there was a dude in the mens restrooms in a fantastic gothic stylee bar called The Pit & The Pendulum, handing out paper towels and dancing around ragga-singing about how "hygiene is top banana". Quote of the weekend had to go to Raj's dad, Nigel, who walked up to Matt deadpan and said "Here's a pound, go and see the toilet singer" lol...still makes me giggle!

17. Alcohol

Ahh the Berry Juice effect:



If you aren't quite aware of what this is, I shall refer you to last years post, but lets just say it heals a lot of wounds!



The was lots of cheering for this...or should I say because of it! I'll end this completely belated post with a vid of everyone in The Bunkers Inn singing their drunken rendition of 'I Am The Music Man'.



(**The videos located on youtube.com are best viewed at the smallest size**)