You Doctor, Me Patient!

So the other week I got a call from my GP's surgery telling me that the doc wanted me to make an appointment to discuss some test results that I'd gotten recently; so this morning I dragged myself into Belfast in early morning diverted, and ergo extra-congested, rush hour traffic only to be kept waiting for a further 20mins when I got there.

Now this is nothing new for my GP's surgery. Infact, they're well known for their bad time keeping...amongst other things. Why I still go there after all these years is a mystery to me. I dont live anywhere near the surgery, and the service you recieve from these so called doctors is ridiculous. If they even managed to remember your name half the time (bearing in mind it's written on a computer screen right in front of them) it'd be pushing it for them.

So anyways, eventually I was buzzed to go in. As I sat down beside her desk, she looked at me and said "So what can I do for you today?"

I just gazed blankly at her. "You called me in."

"Oh...what was it for?"

"Umm...I think it was something to do with test results?"

"Oh, right. Can you remember what they were for?"

I stared at her for just a moment wondering if I listened closely enough maybe I could hear the circus music playing out her ears. I held a deep sigh for a second and explained what what was going on. I considered adding in that we were on planet Earth and that she was actually a doctor, but that would be just hearsay.

Two minutes into her oh so pretentiously fabricated compassionate speech explaining my results (which by the way didn't give any clue as to why I had been feeling ill), the phone rang. It must have been either a patient or a personal call, I was trying not to listen in, but she decided to take it and asked me to wait outside. Ok, maybe it was important. Or maybe she was just continuing to not have a clue what was going on around her and didn't realise she was in the middle of surgery. Either way, I sat outside for another 15 to 20mins. I even considered that maybe she meant for me to wait out in reception and they had been calling me there. I checked with them. Nope, they seemed to think she meant outside the room.

When enough other doctors had wondered what I was doing sitting there, she poked her head out and beckoned me in. "Now what was the other problem you were having?" She asked a bit flustered.

"Well, I hadn't actually mentioned another problem, but as you bring it up...."

The phone rang again. She quickly breathed out an 'excuse me', flipped her head away and answered the call. Sigh. I noticed that the door was a lovely shade of teal as I once again tried not to listen in to her conversation. Thankfully this one only lasted about 5 minutes and I even got to stay in the room and feel awkward the whole time.

When she hung up she explained that it was a patient requesting a house call then muttered something about the receptionists not knowing what they were doing.

She smiled. "Is that us then?"

"Um, no, I was about to ask you about hayfever medication." I explained about how bad it'd been over the last couple of weeks.

"Oh right, well what have you been taking?"

She took notes as I listed off all the brands I'd tried over the years. I asked about the steriod injection.

"Oh no no no, I dont like to prescribe that. Too many side effects."

"Yeh, I figured, but just thought I'd ask about it. Is there anything else then, cause it's driving me nuts and I cant be spending every other day dyin' in bed with it?"

I started to tell her how bad it was when I was in school and how it's affecting my work now. "...see if there's a wedding and I'm having to take photo's outside, like in a park or something, and my eyes are streaming and my nose is runny...."

"Do you wear sunglasses?"

"Well yes, if I'm outside and not at work, but I cant if I'm using a camera. I need to be able to see clearly."

"My advice is just to wear sunglasses."

"Yes, but I cant see through the camera if I have sunglasses on."

She sat back into her chair biting on a pen top. A moment of intense thinking later she came up with: "Well to be honest I think the best thing you can do is just stay indoors."

Well, yes. 'Thank you for those profound words of wisdom', I thought. I was ready to stand up and applaud, but I just smiled sweetly at her secretly hoping she'd see the look of sheer contempt behind my eyes. "See..." I took a deep breath, still smiling. "...but I cant do that." There was of course the 'everyday life' aspect of things, but I didnt want to confuse her even more, so I launched into a big speech explaining how weddings, landscapes, sports, and even portraits...are mostlly gonna involve being outside.

"Mmmm..." she said still nibbling on her pen, "...sunglasses are probably your best bet."