McFrickin' McMorons

So we had a vow - Thou Shalt Not Eat junk Food. But we were stuck. There was no food in the house and Tescos had closed for the evening.

It was our own fault really for expecting anything different, but we like to give people the benefit of the doubt once in a while. A secret hope that things will change, that they will get better.

*sigh*

(That was actually our 2nd mistake.)

Picture the scene: Saturday evening, Matt & I starving because we accidentally got distracted and forgot to eat all day. ( hey, it happens! =P ) Anyhoo, so being that every other option had been fully exhausted, we decided to go for the...umm..."easy" option. Thats right folks, good old Mickey D's.

(That, of course, had been our first.)

McDonalds. When you say that name, what does it conjour up in your mind? For me it's 4 things - Untrained monkeys, wrong orders, filthy restrooms, and Disney toys.
Now in all fairness, I'm quite partial to the Disney toys, but the other 3 make me wanna drown the untrained monkeys in their year old chip fat. Harsh? Maybe...but you know if the opportunity arose you'd be only too happy to help.

We pull up at the drive-thru window...

Monkey #1: *in fully millie dialect* "Whaddya want?"

Matt: "Can I get one Big Mac Meal and a plain Double Cheese Burger Meal...that's 'plain' - no dressing, just the cheese please."

Monkey #1: "Aye a'right, whaddyer drinks?"

Matt: "Are your milkshake machines working?"

Monkey #1: "Aye."

Matt: "Great, can we get one chocolate..."

Monkey #2: "oh, wait, der's no chacklat."

Matt: "Ah, right, ok, well can we get two strawberry ones then?"

Monkey #1: "Aye."

*Monkey #1 turns away to ring in the order on the till, then suddenly swings back round to us again*

Monkey #1: "Whaat wuz dat flaver ya wannad again?"

Matt: *looking confused* "Strawberry. Both. Please."

Monkey #1: "Right, 'way on up der t'tha next windie"

*We drive on towards the collection window, and finally arrive at it some 20mins later*

Matt: "Ello."

*Monkey #2 hands us a bag of food*

Monkey #2: "There's no milkshakes, whaddya want ta drink?"

Me: "Could you not have told us that at the last window?"

Monkey #2: "S'brokan. Whaddya want?"

Matt: "It broke in the last couple of minutes did it?"

Monkey#2: "S'gonna coss me five thousan' quid ta get a new'un. Whaddya want?"

Me: "Well, I'm sure McDonalds can afford a new machine *sigh* Fanta please."

Matt: "Two Fanta's please."

Monkey #2: "Der's no faunta. Whaddya want?"

*cue sweet, sweet smiles from us*

Matt: "Well...how bout you tell us what you do have."

Monkey #2: "uuhh...der's Sprite, orange, an' waadder."

Matt: "A Sprite and an orange then."

*while we're waiting I check our order in the bag*

Me: "Umm...they have given us a Double Cheese Burger Meal and a McChicken Sandwich meal *sigh*"

Matt: "We ordered a Big Mac Meal" *hands Monkey #2 the McCardboard Sandwich back*

*she hands us the Big Mac and drinks and we drive home with a distinct look of disdain on our faces*

*We get home and start to re build our disheveled burgers which never look like the one's in the ad's*

Matt: "Oh for fecksake they've given me a dressed burger!"

Me: "Idiots" *lifts the top of my burger bun* "Umm...honey..."

Why yes thats right folks it does get worse - my burger had a bite out of it.
Yes, you did hear me correctly, I said a bite out of it.
A BITE!!!!! Teeth marks an' everything! I mean for fricksake! *rolls eyes*

Anyhoo, I was "prevented" from going down to tear out some throats with the distraction of a milkshake from Burger King, but believe me, photographs and a strong worded letter will be landing on the desk of a McCEO very soon.

(Apologies for the length, I needed a rant. And if you need any millie-speak translated, just ask. I had to learn to speak fluent millie back in the days when I worked in The Moviehouse.)